i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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