I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
