My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Everclear isn't food dammit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize