Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
