Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
