You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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