hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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