no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
