I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
