I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
