Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize