Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
