I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
