If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
