ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
