my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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