neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
