Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
