FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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