Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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