He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
