We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
