Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
