I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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