Your favorite bartender is back from prision
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
