No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
