We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
