too bad you live with your parents still
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize