I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
