I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
