Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I fill condoms, not promises.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
