as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
