Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize