We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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