so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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