omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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