My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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