At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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