i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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