I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
