Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
