On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
where am i from again
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize