Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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