tell your sister to shave her snatch
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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