His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
