Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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