it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
