Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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