My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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