Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
