shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
