Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
