Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
