Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
