I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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