saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize