i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
