I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
