i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
