Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
