Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
