census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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