Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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