Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
