Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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