even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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