The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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