I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
