Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
