so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
