if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
