So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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