i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
