I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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