I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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