did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
