he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
