I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
