North Korea, Best Korea!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ttyl tear gas
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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