Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
