The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he fucked my hip out of place.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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