Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
