just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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