Screwed.edu
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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