My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize