I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
