You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
