just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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