I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I deserve this hangover.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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