I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize