Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
