New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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