So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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