I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Randomize
