Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize