i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
