fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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