He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
