I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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