my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My vagina just recognized that song.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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