it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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