I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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