She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
