im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
