Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we made out on top of his cat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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