I just saw a hot homeless man
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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