Sry I called you an 8
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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