Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
