Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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