if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
