I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
