making cat noises will not fix the situation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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