So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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