Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
