my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
